After much soul searching I have made a monumental decision about the future of The Spread Zone. And by "soul searching," I mean an impulsive thought on my way back from work, and by "momentous" and "future," I just mean right now. The decision - rather than hide my head in the sand or come up with new self-effacing ways to show my humility - was to write a poem about the first four weeks of the 2013 NFL Season. Without any adieu, here is:
Ode to a Painful September
With four weeks behind us and twelve weeks to go
in a season that's been like a David Lynch show.
It's time to deflect all your worry and doubt
by handing some Mid-Mid Season grades out.
Let's fly up northeast to Seattle's abode
where the Seahawks have learned how to win on the road.
They're well on their way to the title they seek
Provided they're playing Matt Schaub every week.
The Niners, the Rams, and the Cards to be clear
will be looking up at the end of the year.
And though trading Smith to the Chiefs made me sick
S.F. will be fine with the young Kaepernick.
And down The Bayu Sean Payton is back,
leading the Saints strong, offensive attack
while the Falcons poor start might get their coach fired
I'll bet Tony's son wishes Dad stayed retired
The Year of the Cat, says wise Granny C
but the Panthers are mired at a poor 1-3
And the Bucs, it just sucks, can't win but don't mind
'cause their defense is great when it's not getting fined.
Up north the young Bears got a spank on the tush
by a much better cat and revived Reggie Bush
Being a Vike fan must feel like a hassle,
perhaps that will change with "The Jeckyll" Matt Cassell
At the end of the year I think Cheese Heads stands tall
'cause they cut every player who fumbles the ball
They'll beat the up the Lions next week in Green Bay
to take over first, and that's where they'll stay.
The Giants and Redskins, now both former beasts
in the once feared division, the NFC Least
With Eli's poor passing, V. Cruz just can't dance
While Washington should give Kirk Cousins a chance.
And although Kelly's offense was great with The Ducks,
it seems that with Philly it really plain sucks.
With their competition, the Cowboys are fine
to win this division at seven and nine.
In the AFC West, Alex Smith, Andy Reid,
are leading the Chiefs to a wild card seed.
The Chargers are Chargers, with highs and with lows
And being a Raiders fan still really blows.
The Broncos are putting up Madden-like stats
In two weeks they'll hang 90 on Jacksonville's Cats.
I'm starting to see that there is no good reason
to bet ATS against Denver this season.
At the top of the East, the young Patriots sit,
and last night they proved their defense is legit.
The Dolphins are proving to be a great bet,
but I'm still not quite there on the bandwagon yet.
The Jets have surprised us with .500 ball,
but away from MetLife, they can't win at all.
And Buffalo, Buffalo - where doth though roam,
also just winning the games that they're home.
And off in the South, the strong Titans have heart,
which has them in first with a 3-1 start
Tied with the Colts who've done more of the same
Thanks to a new and improved running game.
In Houston four quarters is never enough,
with three OT games out of four, man that's rough.
And the Jacksonville Jaguars? They're really quite lame,
scoring about six point seven a game.
The Browns are in first after only four games
while Hoyer and Cameron are both household names
The Ravens appear to be hitting rough seas,
and yesterday Flacco had 5 I N Ts
The Bengals are good, but still have ups and downs
beating up Packers but losing to Brown.
and finally, Pittsburgh, with all its mistakes
are still in the running for the Clowney Sweepstakes.
And, of course there's The Spread Zone that's down in the dumps,
With Vinny and Marco both in Sophomore Slumps.
Losing is awful, it feels like a curse,
Let's face it, the truth is it can't get much worse.
So October is near and although it feels daunting
We look to Week 5 to do some un-haunting
I wanted to quit after Sunday night's game,
and find a new hobby with far, far less shame,
And much like the Giants, who's start is the worst
We still only feel we're two games out of first.
So on we persist, because that's what we do,
as people, as writers, as gamblers, too.
I hope Dan P. hasn't given up on us yet, because I was remiss not to mention how much I appreciated your e-mails last week. Keep 'em coming. For TSZ Insiders who might feel like they're not getting their $17 worth, I don't blame you, but there's good news on the horizon. Beginning Week 9 we're going to have a Friday Five Contest through the end of the season with cash prizes, coffee mugs, or something else worth your investment. Hopefully the Saints cover tonight and give us our first .500 Friday Five, otherwise we might just use our fan picks for the second half of the season.
Happy Monday?
Vinny and Marco
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