Mysterio's Tuesday Two

In 1988, Morrissey crooned the histrionic reminder that "every day is like Tuesday." Never have such fictional lyrics been truer than today. The winter holidays tend to divert us all from routine and towards our family gatherings and obligations - even in Canada. With Christmas and Boxing Day behind us, however, Mysterio is back at TSZ and ready to build on the perfection that has been his Tuesday Two.

LAST WEEK: 2-0 ATS

SEASON TO DATE: 4-0 ATS

Translation: Nailed it. For those of you who followed his lead, you should have quintupled your money. Even if you didn't bet that much, it's really fun to say quintupled. Before we get to Mysterio's weekly work of art, let's welcome those who have joined our community through Friday Five inquiry.

TSZ Weloming Committee: We proudly announce the arrival of Lowen A., Micahel M., Jeff W., Andrew G., and Stan J. Gentlemen, you've come at good time. We fully intend to finish the season strong and carry our community into a playoff run for the ages. If you want to know how to access our Friday Five, click on the link below:

http://www.thespreadzone.blogspot.com/2012/12/friday-five-grand-finale.html

And now, drum roll please...

Mysterio's Tuesday Two

It's been an insanely busy holidays so I'm going to keep this short. In the history of Mysterios' Tuesday 2 we are now 4-0. Whether the games mean nothing or if they are very important, I always take the 2 games that I think are locks and post them for our guaranteed monetary gain. Last week Atlanta covered on Saturday and the biggest baby in the NFL (Cam Newton) covered on Sunday. Big wins for me and my other follower Gabby. Gabby wasn't pleased with the 2 different days my picks were on so this is for you Gabby. 2 picks, both on Sunday.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -10 vs. St Louis Rams

                      

The Seahawks can win games now by just showing up! Having blown out their last 3 opponents I look for this 1 to be over by half time. A 10 point spread might as well be 27 because this game will be a blowout!

P.S. Matt Flynn may fill in but he is a VERY capable backup! P.S.S. Watch for Sherman to be handing out "Skittles" on the sideline. Seahawks by 28!

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -10.5 vs. Miami Dolphins

Believe it or not, New England still has home field to play for. Watch for Billy B. to have a game plan in which not only will Brady pass for 440 yards but New England will dominate every facet of the game. Miami will play hard for Regis (Joe) Philbin but it won't do any good against a team that needs to step it up and get rolling for the playoffs. New England by 20!

                                   

Sorry to keep it so short TSZ faithful but being a single Dad on the holidays is more work than on normal days.

If Vincenzo and Spartacus going 5-0 last week doesn't  get ALL your friends to join TSZ I don't know what does.

Roger that Houston and a big 10-4 to all your bets this week!

MAY THE SPREADS BE WITH US!!!!

--Mysterio

Friday Five: The Grand Finale

FRIDAY FIVE LAST WEEK: 5-0 ATS - Yes, we nailed it again.

FRIDAY FIVE SEASON TO DATE: 32-19 ATS 

Sadly, the last week of the NFL regular season is upon us. The good news is that last year - and a big part of the reason we started TSZ in the first place - Marco and I went 11-2 ATS in the 2011-12 playoffs and took home our pool's grand prize. 

Once again, much like the 2007/2011 New York Giants, we're finishing strong here at The Spread Zone with back-to-back 10-6 ATS weeks and an improbable 5-0 ATS last week on our Friday Five confidence picks. As you know, followers and frequent readers always get our Friday Fives for free, and a few of you wrote to us about the success you had last week with our Friday picks. Congratulations and thank you for letting us know. It always feels good to help people beat the system. 

Last week we sent our followers a terrific resource at www.vegasinsider.com, which includes power rankings of how NFL teams have done ATS over the course of the season. Using those rankings, which according to their author become more accurate with each passing week, we made a list of the top ten teams with the greatest ranking differential against their opponents. Marco and I then chose which five had the best chance of winning/covering, and the results were outstanding. 

Here's how to get this week's Friday Five

                            

Step 1: Send us an e-mail to vinnyandmarco@gmail.com letting us know that you'd like to see what we've got. No investment except a little bit of time. 

Step 2: If we go 3-2 ATS this week, we'll call it a push. We have your e-mail and will continue to send you our Friday Five for the rest of the season. If, however, we go 4-1 ATS then - relying of course on the highly honorable code of universal gamblers - you come back to The Spread Zone, hit the donate button, and buy us a cup of coffee on Monday. If, and there's a great chance this is going to happen this weekend, we nail 5-0 ATS, then said coffee becomes a Trente Quadruple Vanilla Soy Mocha with Sprinkles. We're still waiting on a couple of promises from last week, but we know you're good for it.

If you don't pay up, however, then you must pledge your undying loyalty to TSZ and Spread the word about The Zone to everyone you know.

Now doesn't that sound way more exciting than just buying us coffee? And in only two steps. You can't beat that. To summarize - send us an e-mail and we'll send you picks. What happens after that, of course, is entirely up to you.

What's at stake for us? Good question. Only our highly suspect reputation - that's what.

Take a chance and become a part of the fastest growing community of supportive, loving, degenerate gamblers on the Internet.

You won't be disappointed.

Vinny and Marco

Daily Reminders

#1. Coffee Donations: If you appreciate what we're doing here, feel free to buy us a cup of coffee anytime - top right of the page. It takes a lot of caffeine to keep this thing going. Many thanks to those who have donated. It has felt like a warm, delicious compliment every time. Please send us a note, too, so we can make sure to thank you in the next post.

#2. Follow us on Twitter @vinnyandmarco. Spend weekends with Marco in the Twittersphere or feel free to just e-mail us anytime atvinnyandmarco@gmail.com.

NFL Week 17 Picks ATS: On the Marco

 Sadly there is no time for lengthy lead-ins or poetically profound metaphors about life and gambling this week. Marco has family obligations and I have a minor surgery that will ensure my family obligations remain at status quo. Translation - holiday vasectomy. My only regret is that my insurance doesn't roll over in June, because I would have loved to join the 25% increase in men who opt for this procedure during March Madness. Too bad my doctor doesn't work on Saturdays - it would have made Sunday football viewing blissfully guilt free. 

In lieu of the norm, let's jump right into a transcript of Marco's notes on this week's games. Keep in mind that there are several playoff scenarios in the NFC yet to be determined, while the AFC will likely have teams like the Colts, Ravens, and Bengals resting up for Wild Card weekend. 

TSZ Welcomes: Our 30th follower. A landmark of sorts. Please join me in welcoming Angel L. to our community. Hope you got here in time for that epic 5-0 Friday Five last week. We're glad you're here.  

LAST WEEK:  10-6 ATS (twice in a row)

SEASON TO DATE: 130-112 ATS

FRIDAY FIVE CONFIDENCE PICKS: 5-0 ATS last week, and 32-18 ATS on the season. Now available: http://www.thespreadzone.blogspot.com/2012/12/friday-five-grand-finale.html

Marco appears to have hit his stride with back-to-back 10-6 ATS weeks. This week, he put a lot of thought into the hidden variables - playoff seeding, resting the wary, deflated losers, vying for draft picks, and so on - and he has put together a rather unorthodox but poignantly accurate list of picks.

NFL Week 17 Picks ATS: The Good, the Bad, and the Ones Nobody Cares About

CINCINNATI BENGALS -3.5 over Baltimore Ravens: Underrated versus overrated. The Bengals will pounce into the playoffs with a statement win against the inconsistent Ravens. 

BUFFALO BILLS -3.5 over New York Jets: Tim Tebow has given up on the Jets, and so should you. C.J. Spiller will win this game all by himself.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS +4.5 over Houston Texans: Coach Pagano returns to the sideline setting up an emotionally-charged upset of the struggling Texans. Houston has never won in Indy. Yes, that was when Peyton was still in town, but that still gives the Colts a psychological advantage.

ATLANTA FALCONS -0.0 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Coach Mike Smith will not rest his starters, that's what the bye week is for. The Bucs only strength is stopping the run. That won't help against one of the league's best passing attacks.

Philadelphia Eagles +9.5 over NEW YORK GIANTS: We're tired of getting burned by the Giants. Rumor has it Vick may be back at QB for the Eagles which makes this match-up more interesting. Mike will be auditioning for his next job, so he'll play his best. 

Chicago Bears -3.5 over DETROIT LIONS: I know I predict this every week, but Cutler and Marshall will hook up for at least two scores as the Lions secondary isn't stopping anyone lately. Lions keep it close until the end. Look for a trademark pick six for the Bears defense against a late game turnover-prone Matthew Stafford.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS -4.5 over Carolina Panthers: Drew Brees and the rest of the Saints players will get up for this game. They want to show Sean Payton why he should choose New Orleans over the Dallas job. 

PITTSBURGH STEELERS -0.0 over Cleveland Browns: Coach Tomlin will have his guys playing for pride. Don't be surprised with a blowout victory to end the season as most of the Browns rookies are used to resting for six weeks before a bowl game. 

Jacksonville Jaguars +4.5 over TENNESSEE TITANS: The Chiefs will secure the first pick in next year's draft by losing to Denver, so the Jags have no reason to tank this game. Honestly, we feel the Jags are the better of these two teams, so take the points and watch Jake Locker throw more interceptions.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -10.5 over Miami Dolphins: The Patriots have never made it to a Super Bowl without a first round bye. This game means a ton to them. Two glaring issues for Miami- they can't defend the pass and they won't be able to run the ball against the stout New England front line. Patriots by at least 17 points.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS +3.5 over Green Bay Packers: "All Day" Adrian Peterson ran for over 200 yards against GB in their last meeting. Look for the Minnesota defense to step up at home in this "win and get in" game. What  a great story. 

SAN FRANCISCO FORTY NINERS -16.5 over Arizona Cardinals: Report after week 16 loss: "Larry Fitzgerald's Dad finally joins everyone else and gives up on the Cardinals too." This will be a long, ugly day for whatever QB off the street Arizona starts this week. The SF defense will be playing angry after last week's nationally televised embarrassment. Will there be a Smith siting? We hope so. 

DENVER BRONCOS -16.5 over Kansas City Chiefs: "Tank" you very much for blowing us out, Denver. KC secures first pick in the draft and celebrates after the loss.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -0.0 over Oakland Raiders: San Diego lost several key players to injury yet they played better last week. They should make easy work of the lowly Raiders and the Terrelle Pryor Experiment.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -10.5 over St. Louis Rams: The Seahawks will cover any spread against any team at home right now. 

WASHINGTON REDSKINS -3.5 over Dallas Cowboys: Weekend weather forecast shows snow. Cold weather favors the run game. Alfred Morris and RG3 lead the Skins to a convincing victory to win the NFC East. This is the game of the week.

Enjoy the heck out of the last week of 2012. Stay tuned for our Friday Five as we look to build on our impressive 5-0 week. 

Vinny and Marco

PS I'll try to add some images tomorrow as I'm sitting on the couch recovering. 

Daily Reminders

#1. Coffee Donations: If you appreciate what we're doing here, feel free to buy us a cup of coffee anytime - top right of the page. It takes a lot of caffeine to keep this thing going. Many thanks to those who have donated. It has felt like a warm, delicious compliment every time. Please send us a note, too, so we can make sure to thank you in the next post.

#2. Follow us on Twitter @vinnyandmarco. Spend weekends with Marco in the Twittersphere or feel free to just e-mail us anytime atvinnyandmarco@gmail.com.

Monday Morning Quarterback

What a weekend. It's kind of fun knowing how things pan out by Sunday night, even when they don't pan out that well. We did not see a 42-13 Niners drubbing at the hands of the Seahawks coming. As a member of Team Smith and Team Jacob (that's a Twilight joke for people who don't work with teenagers), I was hoping Harbaugh would sit Colin just to see if a New Moon might rise over Seattle in the second half. 

It looks like Marco's in the swing of things now, nailing down his second straight 10-6 ATS week in a row. And, the piece de resistance - a 5-0 Friday Five. It's like we're all back where we started from. It was great to hear from all of your who took our picks and ran...all the way to the bank. Thank you for the coffees that have arrived and the ones still to come. Very holiday season of you all. 

TSZ Welcoming Committee: Would like to extend greetings to our latest followers, Meg and Blake. It's nice to see new members climbing aboard this late in the season. And what a perfect time to join us. 

Coffee Thank You's: A very gracious cup of coffee was delivered this morning by one of our newest community members - Gabby. Thank you very much. You are true to your word - even when buzzed on Sunday. 

Unfortunately, I have to work today, so this morning's post will be short but sweet. I hope you all enjoy your Chritmas Eve, Christmas Day, and all the days thereafter. 

Peace be with you all,

Vinny and Marco

Friday Five: Come and Get It

FRIDAY FIVE LAST WEEK: 2-3 ATS 

FRIDAY FIVE SEASON TO DATE: 27-19 ATS 

Happy end of the Mayan calendar, everyone. If you're reading this it means a meteor hasn't fallen from the sky, nor has the world imploded beneath me. Although the Detroit Lions might be wishing otherwise, it looks like we're all going to make it to tomorrow.

TSZ Welcoming Committee: Would like to thank Jules for joining the mailing list last week, and Gabrielle for becoming an official follower. Twenty-seven and counting. Remember when it was just the three of us, Curtis? I'm not even sure Curtis is still here. 

Now let's get down to business.

                                      

The Spread Zone's Friday Five are the games on this week's NFL schedule in which Marco and I are most confident. They are sent free of charge every week to all of our followers and contributors. For the rest of you, they involve a little bit of gambling. Are you ready to put your money where your mouse is? Then follow the instructions below and become a part of the fastest growing community of like-minded, sports fanatical, gamblers this side of Vegas. This week's picks comes with a little bit of education. You won't be disappointed. 

Step 1: Become a follower and/or just send us an e-mail to vinnyandmarco@gmail.com saying, "Hey guys. I really love your blog. You two are amazing. I've never felt so connected to and entertained by another almost complete stranger in my life...," or you can just say, "What's up guys. I'd like to see what this Friday Five is all about." That's it. No investment on your part. Just an e-mail. Now here's the wager.

Step 2: If we go 3-2 ATS this week, we'll call it a push. We have your e-mail and will continue to send you our Friday Five for the rest of the season. Yes, all three weeks. And the playoffs, where it will probably become more like a Weekend One. If, however, we go 4-1 ATS then - relying of course on the highly honorable code of universal gamblers - you come back to The Spread Zone, hit the donate button, and buy us a cup of coffee on Tuesday. If, and there's a great chance this is going to happen this weekend, we nail 5-0 ATS, then said coffee becomes a Trente Quadruple Vanilla Soy Mocha with Sprinkles.

If you don't pay up, however, then you must pledge your undying loyalty to TSZ and Spread the word about The Zone to everyone you know.

Now doesn't that sound way more exciting than just buying us coffee? And in only two steps. You can't beat that. To summarize - send us an e-mail and we'll send you picks. What happens after that, of course, is entirely up to you.

What's at stake for us? Good question. Only our highly suspect reputation - that's what.

Take a chance and become a part of the fastest growing community of supportive, loving, degenerate gamblers on the Internet.

You won't be disappointed.

Vinny and Marco

Daily Reminders

#1. Coffee Donations: If you appreciate what we're doing here, feel free to buy us a cup of coffee anytime - top right of the page. It takes a lot of caffeine to keep this thing going. Many thanks to those who have donated. It has felt like a warm, delicious compliment every time. Please send us a note, too, so we can make sure to thank you in the next post.

#2. Follow us on Twitter @vinnyandmarco. Spend weekends with Marco in the Twittersphere or feel free to just e-mail us anytime atvinnyandmarco@gmail.com.

#3. Now that we have the support and appreciation of fellow handicappers, we feel like The Spread Zone has as much potential as any free gambling website out there. We always appreciate feedback and suggestions. Like my favorite baseball team likes to say, "Together We're Giant." Look what it did for them.

Thursday Three: Straight Outta Compton...Wisconsin

With the holidays in full swing and the NFL season culminating in another exciting playoff push, the founders of TSZ - that's right, four months in and we're already third person, bitches - decided to hand over the Thursday Three reins to their crafty, intelligent, and enthusiastic readers. One man's laziness is another man's courageous act of trust. The best thing about writing is: everything is semantics. 

The guidelines were simple: Write us a Thursday Three blog post. Give it an intro, include your picks, and make it entertaining. Although the mass of entries did not constitute an Internet traffic jam, there were several submissions to choose from, the most complete of which came from Green Bay, Wisconsin.

TSZ's Thursday Three

HO HO HO!  It's Christmas time ladies and gentlemen. We're muddling through our first blizzard of the season here in Wisconsin...definitely going to be a White Christmas for us. With the playoffs on the horizon there's plenty of good match-ups to choose from this weekend.  First of all, I like the Green Bay Packers (-11.5) - surprise, surprise - to take care of the Tennessee Titans at Lambeau.  Even though they've already clinched the NFC North ("the Bears still suck" ), they are fighting for the NFC's 2nd seed.  They found out last year that resting players backfires, so they're going to keep their foot on the gas and both hands on the wheel. Go Pack! I also like the St. Louis Rams (+3) to take advantage of a slumping Tampa Bay Buccaneers team. Much like last year Tampa Bay is sliding to the finish line, especially now that they're out of playoff contention. Their ATS dominance is no longer a consideration like it was through the first eleven weeks.  They are coming apart at the seams, while the Rams have impressed ATS on the road all year. My favorite team this week is the New York Football Giants (-2.5) to handle the Baltimore Ravens.  Baltimore already clinched a playoff spot while the Giants NEED to win to have a shot at the playoffs.  The Ravens have not been playing good football lately and the Giants play their best ball with their backs against the wall.  Look for New York to bounce back from that horrific game in Atlanta and show up big this weekend.  Unfortunately, there's no more Thursday Night games this year; I really enjoy watching football on Thursday because it makes me feel like the weekend has already begun.  I guess Saturday in Detroit will have to do. Here's to a great week 16 everyone.  Hopefully we all do well and some extra spending money for the holidays. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.  Peace. Beer n Brats for Breakfast  Green Bay Packers Fan Some deleted scenes that missed the cut simply because they did not have the complete package were: #2) New England Patriots (-14.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars: Beli"cheat" and Brady haven't slept all week because of the beating they took the first half Monday night. The only back that gets to carry the ball this week is Woodhead. The Jag's spent their time watching film of USC and West Virginia to evaluate next years QB. All that adds up to a 40+ point first half as the Patriots never pass up an opportunity to run up the score. Texas Todd Broncos Fan CAROLINA PANTHERS (-8.5) vs Oakland Raiders: This will be the most points the Panthers have been favored by all season. The Raiders have four wins this year - two against the Chiefs. They are quietly the worst team in the league. Carson Palmer is the Carson Daly of the NFL. They both marginally peaked in 2002, but it's been downhill for a decade. No one knows what happened to Carson Daly - I think I saw him selling oranges on I-5. I think Palmer will be joining him soon. Hand the team over to Pryor and see what happens. Carolina will cover. Buffalo Bills (+4.5) at Miami Dolphins: An AFC Least battle royale. Why are there certain organizations that are destined to suck? Both Miami and Buffalo struggle to find the right players. They both haven't had a good QB since Marino and Kelly. They both try to make big free agent splashes and then those players just seem to decline once they put on the uniform. Carousel coaching staffs, shitty QB play and a culture of failure just plague these 2 organizations. I think the Dolphins win and cover but I don't know why.  Noah G.  New York Giants Fan Thanks for the hard work, TSZ readers/authors. You continue to make this the best gambling website in the world according to its third person founders.  Peace, Love, and Happiness Vinny and Marco Daily Reminders #1. Coffee Donations: If you appreciate what we're doing here, feel free to buy us a cup of coffee anytime - top right of the page. It takes a lot of caffeine to keep this thing going. Many thanks to those who have donated. It has felt like a warm, delicious compliment every time. Please send us a note, too, so we can make sure to thank you in the next post. #2. Follow us on Twitter @vinnyandmarco. Spend weekends with Marco in the Twittersphere or feel free to just e-mail us anytime atvinnyandmarco@gmail.com. #3. Now that we have the support and appreciation of fellow handicappers, we feel like The Spread Zone has as much potential as any free gambling website out there. We always appreciate feedback and suggestions. Like my favorite baseball team likes to say, "Together We're Giant." Look what it did for them.

Week 16 Picks ATS: Saint Pick-olas Returns

'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the league
All the players were fighting late-season fatigue.
The bad teams were awful, the good teams were great,
while ten teams had yet to determine their fate.

The NFC East was a battle you see
'Tween the Boys, Eli Manning, and young RG3
While out in the West, Niners mined for gold rocks
Taking down with their pick axe, the pesky Seahawks.

And up in the North where the autumn's abated,
the once fearsome Bears have all now hibernated.
Detroit is long gone, while a Viking sneak peak,
has them saying good-bye to the playoffs this week.

The AFC picture is more of a snooze
with very few teams left with something to lose.
The Bengals and Steelers will fight to save face
and claim the grand, silver prize - second place.

The Colts try again in KC not to suck,
and clinch the post-season for Sir Andrew Luck.
While the old Denver Mannings roll up more first downs,
Whilst wishing good cheer to the young Cleveland Browns.

What's that my dear friends, you don't care which team wins?
Be it Jaguar or Texan or Panther or Phin?
Don't worry young gamblers, place all bets with care
And trust that Saint Pick-olas soon will be there.

Happy Holidays from Vincenzo!

Oh yeah, he's back.

LAST WEEK:  10-6 ATS 

SEASON TO DATE: 120-106 ATS

THURSDAY THREE FAN PICKS: 2-1 ATS / 8-7 ATS on the season

FRIDAY FIVE CONFIDENCE PICKS:2-3 ATS last week, but still 27-18 ATS on the season.

Available Now: http://thespreadzone.blogspot.com/2012/12/friday-five-come-and-get-it.html

Finally. I have risen from the couch like a phoenix from the flame, ready to deliver gifts to all of our readers in the form of solid, professional, NFL picks against the spread. Although he faltered in the prequel, shaken by the evils of indecision and novelty, Marco Solo stormed back last week, delivering us from a three-week losing streak into what appears to be post-season form. 

In the interest of maintaining interest in The Spread Zone, we're going to jump right into the picks this week. Read on to see who Saint Pick-olas is backing this holiday weekend. Nice teams are in bold, naughty ones in just plain, old, boring, no present-getting font. 

Saturday Night Football

Atlanta Falcons (-4.5) over DETROIT LIONS : The Falcons just came off a We-Sent-A-Message-For-Last-Year's-Playoff-Beat-Down Game at home against the New York Giants while the Lions are coming off a We-Can't-Believe-We-Actually-Lost-To-The-Cardinals drubbing in Arizona. Seems like it could be a sleeper trap game, but Atlanta is still playing for home field advantage throughout the playoffs and Detroit is only playing to prevent a transfer to the USFL. The Falcons will want to follow up their statement game with an exclamation mark, while the Lions will follow another embarrassing blowout loss with different kinds of exclamations. 

Sunday Morning Football

St. Louis Rams (+3.5) over TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS: Talk about teams heading in opposite directions. While Jeff Fisher has Rams Nation feeling as though "In the Hunt" is a first round playoff bye, Bucs head coach Greg Schiano appears content to rest on his laurels now that Tampa's six wins make them bowl eligible. The Rams ninth ranked secondary should be able to limit Mike Williams and Vincent Jackson in what promises to be a grind-it-out, whoever wants it more kind of game. Although St. Louis plays better in the confines of their dome, they relish the role of underdog, going 10-3 ATS in their last 13.

Indianapolis Colts (-6.5) over KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: The Colts haven't lost two games in a row all year, and this weekend in KC won't alter that trend. Although Kansas City boasts the seventh ranked pass defense in the NFL, their passing offense is completely incapable of putting points on the board and their running game is about as unpredictable as Ben Rothleisberger at a night club. Simply put - a six and a half point line means a 7-0 victory for the Colts. 

New Orleans Saints (+3.5) over DALLAS COWBOYS: The Cowboys have only one victory this season by more than seven points - a Week 10 road drubbing of Philadelphia 38-23. That's it. They are also 0-7 ATS at home this year. They win close, they lose close, or they lose big. They do not win big - especially not against an offensive powerhouse team like the Saints. Take the OVER, take the Cowboys straight up, and take Jason Garrett to back to the comedy club where he was doing meaningful work. 

                                  


Buffalo Bills (+4.5) over MIAMI DOLPHINS: If you want a sure bet here, take the UNDER. Even if it's 10. In games which Miami is favored, said UNDER is 9-2. Marco has been crushing on the offensive potential of Buffalo all season, but apparently the Bills are currently pregnant with a three touchdown game and the gestation period is almost two months. Seriously! Win or lose they haven't scored more than 20 since early November. Nonetheless, we are taking Buffalo who will forego the home birth and have a scheduled offensive C-Section in South Beach this weekend. 

Washington Redskins (-4.5) over PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Washington Redskins head coach, Mike Shannahan is so confident in his offensive coordinating son's abilities that he is now benching Kirk Cousins in favor of third string quarterback and former college stand-out, Rex Grossman. Couple that piece of fiction with the fact that the Redskins are 10-2 ATS in their last 12 division games, and you can ride the Washington half of a parlay all the way to the Champs-Elysees. 

New England Patriots (-14.5) over JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS: Jacksonville is a god-awful 2-18 SU in their last 20 games as an underdog. If you can find the last game in which they were a favorite, the state of Florida will waive your income tax. The Patriots are coming off of their first home December loss in a decade. Don't you think that Bellichick took his Brady-bot to get tuned up between games. This could make the Seattle-Arizona game look like a nail biter. 

                                  

CAROLINA PANTHERS (-8.5) over Oakland Raiders: To Marco, this year's Raiders have been like that elusive, playing hard to get girl at the bar. Every time he sees her, he says out loud, "This is the week. I can feel it." And every week she turns him away disappointed. Last week, the Raiders finally put out in a 15-0 victory over the Chiefs. This week, Marco didn't even give them a second look. Don't hate the player. Hate the Raiders. 

GREEN BAY PACKERS (-11.5) over Tennessee Titans: The Titans rank in the bottom half of almost every offensive and defensive category in the NFL, while the Green Bay Packers are beginning to remind us how they ended up 15-1 last year. Be careful not to overvalue the Titans this week, because the Jets beating the Jets Monday night doesn't count as momentum in the gambling world. The Packers win big, playing for home field and a first round playoff bye. 

                                

Cincinnati Bengals (+4.5) over PITTSBURGH STEELERS: In the late stages of labor during the birth of our daughter my wife yelled, "Oh god, just get it out of me," to which our midwife calmly replied, "Carrie, God can't help you now. You have to push." Mike Tomlin and Marvin Lewis will both be sharing these sentiments with their teams before Sunday's game as Cincinnati's 2-10 ATS division record goes up against Pittsburgh's 0-4 ATS as a favorite record. God spelled backwards is Dog - and that's who we're taking. 

HOUSTON TEXANS (-7.5) over Minnesota Vikings: Make no mistake, Adrian Peterson will break the all-time NFL rushing record sometime during the next two weekends. Although this is in great part due to his raw talent and super-human abilities, it is also because the Vikings are a one-dimensional team with a weaponless passing game. Houston is still playing to secure home field throughout the playoffs and to regain momentum after their embarrassing loss to AFC foe New England two weeks ago. Take the Texans at home where they are 11-2 ATS in their last 13 December games. 

San Diego Chargers (+3.5) over NEW YORK JETS: Even though San Diego sucks when they play the Jets (1-6 ATS) and New York rules as a favorite (8-3 SU in 11), we're going against the grain here because Tim Tebow was slighted by the Jets and we believe the hand of God will no doubt cause McElroy to throw red zone interceptions on the 3, the 1, and the 6 yard lines. 

                                    

Cleveland Browns (+13.5) over DENVER BRONCOS: What else is there to say? The higher you go above sea level, the more advantageous youth becomes. There is no team younger than the Browns. Until their cover two Thursdays ago in Oakland, Denver was 0-11 ATS when favored by 8+, while Cleveland loves the super-dog role (8+ points) going 8-3 ATS in their last 11. The Broncos are still playing for a bye, but chances are if they get up big they'll rest guys in the second half and let the Browns sneak back under 14.

New York Giants (-2.5) over BALTIMORE RAVENS: The mystique of M & T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, Maryland is all but vanished. Consecutive losses to Pittsburgh and Denver have left the Ravens looking a bit Edgar Allen Poe-ish.

Ah, distinctly we remember it was in the bleak December,
Our defense's dying ember, let the opposition score
Every time forever more.

                    

Chicago Bears (-5.5) over ARIZONA CARDINALS: Beating the Lions is like smoking weed and thinking you can handle harder drugs. They are the gateway to addiction but it's all downhill from there. Don't be fooled by last week game, this is the same Arizona Cardinals team that lost nine in a row before smoking that killer green bud from D-Town.

San Francisco Forty Niners (-1.5) over SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: In the longest con of all, Jim Harbaugh's move to Colin Kaepernick finally pays off against the Seattle Seahawks. When asked repeatedly why he gave Alex's starting job to Colin, Harbaugh replied, "Because the kid is deaf, y'all." Everyone assumed Jim was trying to be hip and contemporary, when in fact all along he meant it quite literally. What noise at CenturyLink Field? Not in Colin's noiseless world. Give up the points and watch the Niners seal up the division as they hand the Seahawks their third SU and ATS loss in their last 17 home games.

That's a wrap, home fries. It's good to be back.

May the Spread be Delicious,

Vinny and Marco

Daily Reminders:

#1. Coffee Donations: If you appreciate what we're doing here, feel free to buy us a cup of coffee anytime - top right of the page. It takes a lot of caffeine to keep this thing going. Many thanks to those who have donated. It has felt like a warm, delicious compliment every time. Please send us a note, too, so we can make sure to thank you in the next post.

#2. Follow us on Twitter @vinnyandmarco. Spend weekends with Marco in the Twittersphere or feel free to just e-mail us anytime atvinnyandmarco@gmail.com.

#3. Now that we have the support and appreciation of fellow handicappers, we feel like The Spread Zone has as much potential as any free gambling website out there. We always appreciate feedback and suggestions. Like my favorite baseball team likes to say, "Together We're Giant." Look what it did for them.

'Til Tuesday - Live from Canada

Hush. Keep it down now. Voices carry.

Yeah they do - all the way from our neighbors to the north with another edition of TSZ's Tuesday Two. Mysterio nailed the parlay last week, so let's see what he has for us today...

Mysterio's Tuesday Two

Okay fellow TSZers. Surely we have all missed the Monday Morning Roundup from Vincenzo and Spartacus but we don't have anyone named Shirley on our TSZ team so I'm not sure who I'm talking to. I have a tune in my head that's going "get well, get well soon, we want you to get well" as sung by Elaine on Seinfeld, that we all at once should sing to get Vincenzo better. Feel better young TSZer!

In the history of the Tuesday Two there have been many times when I think to myself.....dream big , or go home. That's exactly what we did last week when we started out 2-0. It's only 2 games you say. Believe me it's not as easy as it sounds because on Parlays there is no room for error! A $50 bet on Green Bay and Seattle last week paid a total of $182, which isn't too bad at all. 

A wise man once told me (it was the voice inside my head) that bookies love the parity that the NFL is today. I spoke back to that wise man and replied, "that's why we have TSZ so we can discuss games and beat those said bookies to the ground!" At that point I was removed from Walmart because I guess talking to yourself isn't one of their rules that are accepted. You may want to wait until after Friday to put these said bets in because remember, the world is ending on Friday and if you give your bookie any money before then he will be at the Walmart I am banned from spending your money!!!  
                                  

Last week we took Green Bay to beat Chicago by 3 in Chicago. What a game! Who runs a trick punt play when you are up by 11? Green Bay, that's who! Who is the worst kicker in all of football? Mason Crosby that's who! We win! Last week we took Seattle to beat Buffalo in Toronto. What a game! What can you say about this game? Seattle becomes the first team in 80 years to score 50 back to back. We win!

Atlanta Falcons (-3) at DETROIT LIONS

Remember 2 weeks ago when you looked up and Atlanta was favoured by 3.5 over a terrible Carolina team. I do! We all looked at that spread and said that must be a misprint. Did they forget to put the 1 in front of the 3 making it 13.5. No, those degenerate bookies knew exactly what they were doing! Guess what, there is no mistake this time and Atlanta will remember that beat down they took against the Panthers that week and will take it out on Detroit this week. 

                              

Albeit Atlanta is a different team on the road than they are at home but that said beat down will serve as a wake up call and Atlanta will win this game easily. Can you believe that the Detroit-Arizona game was televised last week! I can, because I watched some of it in between commercials of the Boys-Steelers tilt that saw the Boys win an amazingly tight game. Anyway, Detroit may be the worst coached team in the NFL and that will go a long way towards them losing again this week. Falcons by 14!

CAROLINA PANTHERS (-8) vs. Oakland Raiders

Oakland is the second worst team in football ahead of Kansas City. I could end this rant right there and that would be enough but I will ramble a little more. This is a game of 2 teams going in the opposite direction. Although Oakland won a game at home last week against the first worst team in the NFL. Carolina is coming off a drubbing of San Diego and playing unbelievable football at a great time for us to jump on their bandwagon. 

                               

Carolina trumps Oakland in almost every statistical way including: points for 21.1-18.8, points allowed 22.8-28.7, Rushing yards 121.6-89.9, Passing yards allowed 217.71 - 248.29, Rushing yards allowed 117.93-122.5 and turnover differential. The one category that Oakland leads Carolina is passing yards which will be tough for them to do in this game because Palmer or Pryor will be on their backs all game. Carolina has been playing unbelievably inspired football the last few weeks and I see that continuing this week with a drubbing of the Raiders. Carolina by 21.

That's it for this weeks Tuesday 2. Roger that Houston and a big 10-4 to your bets this 

MAY THE SPREADS BE WITH US!!!

--Mysterio

Friday Five for Pain-free-cinos

FRIDAY FIVE LAST WEEK: 2-3 ATS 

FRIDAY FIVE SEASON TO DATE: 25-16 ATS 

A special thanks goes out to my TSZ cohort whose well-wishing e-mails and commentary - coupled with a little help from the American pharmaceutical industry - had analgesic effects so powerful they enabled me to sit up long enough to cut and past instructions for this week's Friday Five. 

*I've also included a summary of this week's Thursday Three at the bottom of the page for those of you who are already on our mailing list.

Pop Quiz: What do you do with things that no longer have inherent value or interest? Simple - you bet on them.

The Spread Zone wants long-term, satisfied readers rather than one-time, resentful shoppers. In this spirit - and in hopes of shaking the Karma Curse - Marco and I are opening our questionably valuable Friday Five back up to the public. Are we posting it here? No way - that's too easy. Let's make this a little more interesting...

FRIDAY FIVE FOR FREE-PACINOS

Step 1: Become a follower and/or just send us an e-mail tovinnyandmarco@gmail.com saying, "Hey guys. I really love your blog. You two are amazing. I've never felt so connected to and entertained by another almost complete stranger in my life...," or you can just say, "What's up guys. I'd like to see what this Friday Five is all about." That's it. No investment on your part. Just an e-mail. Now here's the wager.

Step 2: If we go 3-2 ATS this week, we'll call it a push. We have your e-mail and will continue to send you our Friday Five for the rest of the season. Yes, all three weeks. And the playoffs, where it will probably become more like a Weekend One. If, however, we go 4-1 ATS then - relying of course on the highly honorable code of universal gamblers - you come back to The Spread Zone, hit the donate button, and buy us a cup of coffee on Tuesday. If, and there's a great chance this is going to happen this weekend, we nail 5-0 ATS, then said coffee becomes a Trente Quadruple Vanilla Soy Mocha with Sprinkles.

If you don't pay up, however, then you must pledge your undying loyalty to TSZ and Spread the word about The Zone to everyone you know.

Now doesn't that sound way more exciting than just buying us coffee? And in only two steps. You can't beat that. To summarize - send us an e-mail and we'll send you picks. What happens after that, of course, is entirely up to you.

What's at stake for us? Good question. Only our highly suspect reputation - that's what.

Take a chance and become a part of the fastest growing community of supportive, loving, degenerate gamblers on the Internet.

You won't be disappointed.

Vinny and Marco

Week 15 Thursday Three Summary

Sadly, the last round of painkillers are wearing off just as the sun is sinking beneath the fir trees that line the northern Californian horizon. Although I usually include Fanalysis for each game that makes the cut, this week a rankings and a simple thank you will have to suffice so I can resume my comfortable, horizontal position once again. This week's Thursday Three are:

#3 Detroit Lions (-6.5) over ARIZONA CARDINALS

#2 Seattle Seahawks (-4.5) over Buffalo Bills

#1 Green Bay Packers (-3.5) over CHICAGO BEARS

Contributors to this weeks Thursday Three: Laura Z., Texas Todd, Australian John, Mysterio, Noah G., Arty Z., and Francis. Hope I didn't leave anyone out. 

Good night and good luck,

Vinny and Marco

Thursday Three: Postponed Due to Pain

Good evening TSZ Readers

Sadly, this week's Thursday Three will not be posted today. I re-aggravated a pinched nerve sometime yesterday, which got increasingly painful, kept me up all night and landed me in the ER for several hours this afternoon. I knew I should have been wearing my all-purpose helmet. I guess even betting on football can be dangerous,.

                         

My apologies to all who submitted. There were some very fine picks this week. I will do my best to publish The Three long with our Five tomorrow.

Peas out,

Vinny and Marco

NFL Week 15 Picks ATS: 32 Teams Guaranteed to Win, Lose, or Cover

LAST WEEK:  7-9 ATS 

SEASON TO DATE: 110-99 ATS

THURSDAY THREE FAN PICKS: 1-2 ATS / 6-6 ATS on the season

FRIDAY FIVE CONFIDENCE PICKS:2-3 ATS last week, but still 25-15 ATS on the season.

Coffee Thank You's: Let's jump right in with these, so as not to disrupt the flow of Marco's picks. He needs all the help he can get this week. Special thanks go out to one of our newest readers, Francis M., who sent us coffee regardless of our god-awful Friday Five last week. We hope we can do you right this week. Also, although he said he doesn't need the shout outs, we'd like to say, "Thanks again, Todd," who is looking at being a stock holder in TSZ at this rate. 

And now for something completely different...

When I awoke this morning to a message in the TSZ Inbox that read, "12-12-12 - Happy Aaron Rogers Day," two things occurred to me simultaneously. First of all, I was thrilled for this Green Bay Packers fan that he could find joy on a Wednesday morning in December, dressed to the nines in green and yellow, and likely high-fiving thousands of other cheese heads taking the day off in Wisconsin. 

Secondly, I realized that we are also getting dangerously close to the end of the Mayan calendar. If you believe in the Mayan predictions, the world as we know it will disappear in a cloud of white smoke in just nine short days. Personally, I believe this apocalyptic foreshadowing was probably just tantamount to their world as they knew it coming to an end in a cloud of white people, and they were approximately 600 years off. 

                                 

Regardless of the reasons, be it a day honoring Rogers, Favre, Kaepernick, Smith, or just the end of the world, it is a gentle reminder to us all that life is a gift; that each day on the planet might be our very last one...concussion free. 

If you have close friends you haven't spoken to in a while, pick up the phone and give them a call. If you have Facebook friends whom you've never spoken with, update your damn status and let them know what you're Liking these days. If your children still give a shit about you, give them a hug, a word of encouragement, or teach them about parlays and teasers. And if your husband or wife hasn't left you yet, take a moment to put down the mouse, laptop, i-phone, and let them know that you're never going to change but that you appreciate them loving you for who you are. 

Then pick that mouse, laptop, i-phone back up, because we have some football handicapping to do. Week 15 looks like it will be the end of the playoff world for some teams, while the dangling thread of hope will continue for others. Let's get to it, shall we? Our picks are always bold (we're told) and HOME TEAMS are in CAPS.

Thursday Night Football

Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5) over PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: While I'm trying to get fired up for this game by watching Loni Anderson in reruns of WKRP, the Eagles are getting juiced by watching reruns of seasons when they used to be good. Although Nick Foles is improving at quarterback with every game, their offense will not be enough to match Big Red, Medium Green, and little Andrew Hawkins. This week The Law Firm will be serving the Eagles defense with a summons to appear in his highlight reel. Cincinnati needs this win to get to the playoffs, while Philadelphia needs Michael J. Fox and a Delorean to get there. 

                           

Sunday Morning Football

Green Bay Packers (-2.5) over CHICAGO BEARS: Remember Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? This is what Bears fans must feel like - every year they start out great, Super Bowl talk ensues, injuries pile up, and it's back to the drafting board. While Cutler is trying to get a discount double check from his head and neck specialist, the Bears to should get some freakin' O-linemen. Green Bay will make it six in a row in Chicago this Sunday. 

New York Giants (+1.5) over ATLANTA FALCONS: In eleven games against opponents other than Carolina, Matt Ryan was sacked an average of once per game. In those other two games, the Panthers D-line took him down nine times. You know who has a better front four than Carolina? The Giants. That's who. Matty Ice-Cold will be lit up by Umenyiora and Co. as the Falcons revert to their 2011 playoff form. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3.5) over NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: "Mutiny on the Bounty's what it's all about..." We care so little about this game, we have put out a bounty on Fox if they broadcast it anywhere but Louisiana and Florida. Meanwhile, the Big Easy Bounty was finally been put to bed yesterday by former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue who said evidence in the matter was corrupted by coaches. The same has been said about the New Orleans defense all year. The Bucs have not only been spread-covering fools this year, but are 7-2 ATS in their last 9 trips to New Orleans. Take the points and four Josh Freeman touchdowns all the way to the semi-finals of your fantasy league. Just hypothetically. 

                              

Minnesota Vikings (+3.5) at SAINT LOUIS RAMS: The only question in this game is can the Rams stop Adrian Peterson? The short answer is no. And in this case no does not mean maybe with a little pressure and alcohol. Calvin Johnson might be Megatron, but AP has a bionic knee, which coupled with his gluten-free, vegan, low-carb diet has made him this year's MVP front-runner. The Rams are great at home, but the only team they've beaten this year by more than six points is the Arizona Cardinals. That's practically like losing.

Washington Redskins (+7.5) over CLEVELAND BROWNS: This is the line that came out in our pool yesterday. Here's a trend - the UNDER is 10-0-1 in the Browns last 11 December games and 10-2 in the Browns last 12 home games. With those stats, how the hell is either team ever favored by more than a touchdown? Shanny Jr. might not have the RG3 action figure daddy got him last spring, but the Kirk Cousins blow-up doll will suffice against a Browns team whose current three game winning streak has been against Kansas City, Oakland, and the Pittsburgh AARPs.

MIAMI DOLPHINS (-7.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars: What? A home team? Finally, Marco. It's appropriate that The Who Gives a Crap Bowl is taking place in Miami - in honor of the six week layover between the end of the college season and the "playoffs." Apparently empty stadiums are difficult to get fired up in, so Jacksonville will feel right at home in Miami, they just haven't been very good no matter where they play. In a game like this, go with the more consistent defense. Dolphins reign in the Revenge of the Under Water Mascot. 

                              

Denver Broncos (-2.5) over BALTIMORE RAVENS: The fact that Baltimore, who hadn't lost at home for two years prior to the debacle against Pittsburgh two weeks ago, is giving up points to the Denver tells you just how far from grace their defense has fallen. Talk about a team in desperate need of an inspirational game day tragedy. C'mon Ravens fans, do something - otherwise the Functional Neck Gang is going to make it so you have to visit Mile High in January. 

Indianapolis Colts (+8.5) over HOUSTON TEXANS: The Texans have been exposed. Their defense is as depleted as Chuck Pagano's white blood cell count, but its not motivating anyone to do anything. The Colts, on the other hand, keep finding ways to impress their recovering coach and push towards the playoffs. A win on Sunday or a loss by Cincinnati or the Jets and Indianapolis goes to the playoffs. A loss by nine or less and we go on to the afternoon games happy. 

Sunday Afternoon 

Carolina Panthers (+3.5) over SAN DIEGO CHARGERS: I read somewhere that San Diego is the best 5-8 team in NFL history. They will now be the best 5-9 team with that claim. The Chargers have been awesome in December, covering 9 of their last 11 games, while Carolina is a pathetic 1-6 ATS against the AFC West. We know that, Vegas knows that, and we believe this is a line coupled with a stat that is begging us to take the turnover prone Chargers. Not on Marco's watch. 

Seattle Seahawks (-4.5) over BUFFALO BILLS: Last week the Seahawks covered a 55 points spread, so we're feeling pretty good about giving up 4.5 to an inconsistent Buffalo team - especially since the game is being played at the Rogers Centre north of the border and all of TSZ's Canadian followers have promised to go there, tailgate, and cheer on the pointy birds. Besides, the far superior Smarties will replace Marshawn Lynch's Skittles as he runs circles around his former team in a Canadian sugar-induced rage. 

                           

Detroit Lions (-6.5) over ARIZONA CARDINALS: Remember when Arizona was 4-0, leading the NFC West, and looking like a playoff caliber team? Neither do they. In this compelling Who Sucks Worse Against the Spread Championship game, the Lions enter Sunday with a 2-9-1 ATS record in their last 12 road games, while Arizona boasts a 2-6-1 ATS record during their 9 game losing streak. Leshoure bet is to take the Lions. LOL.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-1.5) over DALLAS COWBOYS: The Cowboys, much like the Chiefs before them, used up all their Tragedy Juice last weekend. How are the Cowboys going to beat the Steelers without Dez Bryant? More importantly, how is Dez Bryant beat his mother with a broken finger? Look for sexual assault to reign over physical assault - again - as Rothliesberger finds his stride in Dallas this weekend.

OAKLAND RAIDERS (-2.5) over Kansas City Chiefs: Brady Quinn Medicine Woman reveals why his show as an NFL quarterback is being canceled. The Oakland Raiders reveal that Al Davis is actually still alive and running the team. Although the Chiefs have been awesome Oakland, winning 8 of 9 SU, and the Raiders have been awful there losing 7 of 8, this game between these two terrible teams will probably be won 3-0 on a 97 yard field goal by Sebastian Janikowski. 

Sunday Night Football

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-3.5) over San Francisco Forty Niners: Tom Brady dates a supermodel. Wes Welker dates a Hooters Hotie. Basic principals of mathematics have taught us that Two Hot WAGS do in fact make a right. Plus, New England doesn't lose in December 21-0 SU, Belichick doesn't lose to rookie quarterbacks, and certainly not to his illegitimate love child, Jim Harbaugh. 

                                  

Monday Night Football

TENNESSEE TITANS (-1.5) over New York Jets: The Jets are also going to be -1.5 coaches when Rex Ryan gets suspended for eating Mark Sanchez during a TV time out in yet another Canadian sugar-induced rage. We think ESPN should be allowed to call audibles on Monday Night football games after Week 13, because of games like this one. Hopefully we'll either have clinched our pool or be entirely out of it so we don't have to tune in for any of this game. 

That's all for this week folks. Don't forget to submit your Thursday Threes by tomorrow morning, so I can get them up by the end of the day.

Good night and good luck,

Vinny and Marco