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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Important Gambling Tip #3

The Persona

Gordon Thomas Matthew Summer. Allen Stuart Konigsberg. Chan Kong-San. Richard Trenton Chase. Any of these name ring a bell? Of course not, because these guys would never have been successful without choosing a winning name first. Even Charlie Sheen, who we all know is  about "bi-winning" was born Carlos Irwin Estevez.

Let's try that list again: Sting, Woody Allen, Jackie Chan, The Vampire of Sacramento. Okay, the last name was assigned because he was a serial killer who sucked the blood of the six victims he killed in the winter of '79, but I mention this because an earned nickname is even more powerful than the ones you choose yourself. 

When it comes to gambling, it's essential to have a strong pseudonym that gives you a sense of confidence when laying your paycheck, pink slip, or house deed down on 7 1/2 point spread. Act as if. Fake it 'til you make it. Don't be a douche bag. Whichever expression you use, the message is the same. You have to believe in yourself and others have to believe in you. If you name is Nick Dandalos, Eric Stoner, or John Ferguson that's probably not going to happen. Change those to Nick the Greek, The Cincinnati Kid, and Stanford Wong, and you have some of the most famous gamblers in the history.

So, before you lay a single dime on this season's NFL line-up, it's time to get yourself a solid stage name. This might all be pearls to swine if Marco and I hadn't put some serious thought into who we wanted to be last year. Now the names Vinny Gunindapants and Marco the Spy make our opponents question their own ability to compete. If you think I'm full of shit, just ask Cornelius Crane how his acting career was going before he got wise and became Chevy Chase.

Now for the how to. It's simple really.

Rule #1: Add or insert a weapon into your last name: Jimmy the Knife, Sonny the Blade, or Vinny's name above.

Rule #2: Add or transform your name using a mysterious or intimidating job: The Cleaner, The Boxer, The Spy (see above)

Rule #3: Go to the following website and explore options:


It's important to do your research and put thought into your choice. For example, I entered my birth name into the mafia name generator and it came out Carlo Lottaspaghetti. Deal breaker. Sounds like an indulgent, lazy, fat guy. If I switch over the Mexican wrestler option, I become Poison Picante. Better, but certainly no Vinny Gunindapants. Similarly, my daughter's mafia name was Autistic Gina Diorgano, which initially seems like a bad fit, but when you think about Rain Man and the toothpicks, it might strike fear in the hearts of fellow gamblers. 

So choose wisely my friends. Success breeds friends and enemies. The whole world might start talking about you, and I believe it's much more likely if your name is Meat Loaf than Marvin Lee Aday.

Back atchya soon.

Vinny and Marco

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