TSZ's First 100% Original Cover Song

Welcome to The Spread Zone. As we put together our new site for the 2013-14 NFL season, we will be updating the blog from time to time with free handicapping advice, breaking news, and completely made up shit. For those of you who stumbled upon us during our time of reconstruction, please bookmark this page and check in from time to time. Or, better yet, e-mail us at: vinnyandmarco@gmail.com to get on our VIP (Very ImPersonal) mailing list. Seriously, football season is great time to be an unofficial member of The Spread Zone. 

Remember - If You're Not Winning, You're Not Reading The Spread Zone
Remember - The Spread Zone - It's Where Winning Happens
Remember - TSZ - Not just another TLA (Three Letter Acronym)
Remember - The Spread Zone - Insert Generic catch phrase here

I think I feel a contest coming. For now, here's our resume, or what we like to call:

TSZ'S Stat Sheet Heading into the DOT COM era

NBA 2013 PLAYOFF RECORD: 52-31 ATS 

NFL 2012-13 SEASON/PLAYOFFS: 144-123 ATS

VINNY'S STANLEY CUP FINALS PICKS: 8-4

KYLE'S NHL PICKS TO DATE: 51-39-1

KYLE'S MLB PICKS TO DATE: 166-136-7

KYLE'S UFC PICKS: 19-9 (Including 5-1 last night)

KYLE'S TENNIS PICKS: 2-0

VINNY'S YOUTUBE PREMIER: 300 views, 5 thumbs down, 1 profanity, and counting




On occasion and often as a by-product of tirelessly and shamelessly self-promoting The Spread Zone, I have been known to spend a few moments/hours/days drifting aimlessly about the Inter-Web, guided only by illusory inspiration, fleeting entertainment, and those damn non-sequitor albeit colorful links, Tweets, Instagrams, and videos that inevitably lure me to their shores like Odysseus by the Sirens. As you know, there is an ginormous pile of crap out there AND a sadly disproportionately small number of diamonds in the rough. When I find the gems, especially the ones that are timely and topical, I often think (with a hint of envy and admiration), "Who the hell has time to do this shit?"

As it turns out - I do.

When last we spoke Rocket Man was merely a twinkle in my eye, a fleeting thought caught in my caffeinated morning web that ultimately evolved into few words thrown together as a lead-in to Kyle's Ultimate Fighting Championship Spectacular. Twenty-four hours later - thanks to my handy Flip Video Camera, a talented YouTube pianist, and a loving and supportive wife who was no doubt in great part motivated by the fear that I might actually try to sing my own cover song - and we have what I believe is a diamond in the rough.

Granted, neither the little thumbs down counter on the bottom right nor the comment poetically summarizing my song as "gay as fuck" doesn't support my illusion, but we're probably dealing with angry Houston Rockets fans who just saw their season ticket prices leap over tall buildings in a single bound. If you think you're mad now, wait until Omer Asik takes out his resentment out on Dwight's shoulder at the first team meeting.



To quell this sense of throwing pearls to swine, dear readers, I need your help. If you are compelled by the virtues of loyalty and honor, if you have secret creative dreams within you that were one day crushed by an anonymous loser on the Internet, or if you like thumbs that point up better than the ones that point down, I urge you to click on the video above, take a stand against anonymous Houston Rockets and homophobic Elton John haters, and let the world know that - like Arthur Fonzarelli -


"Ayyyyyy."

That's all I'm asking.

Vinny and Marco

Elton John Re-writes Hit Song for Howard's New Reality Show

Here's a link to the original if you need to get the melody in your head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LX7WrHCaUA



Rocket Man - by Sir Vinny the Geek

He packed his bags pre-deadline night
West coast time, nine p.m.
And he went to be wi-i-ined and dined
By a few GMs.

He missed the ease, he missed small market life
It's lonely in L.A.
On Kobe Bry-y-yant's flight...

I don't think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til the Lakers, Hawks, and the Mavericks find
Dwight Howard's still the man he was at home 
and now, now, now - he's a Rocket Man.

Rocket Man - burning out the refs and free throw lines.

Lakerland ain't the place to raise a kid
Or Prima Donna grown up men
All the lights and banners scare them
If you did.

And all this work ethic, he don't understand
It's just a "job" six months a year
Rocket Ma-a-a-an, Rocket Man.

I don't think it's going to be a long, long time
'Til Houston fans and fellow players find
He's still the brat he used to be at home 
But now, now, now - he's your Rocket Man.

Rocket Man - burning out his fans on free throw lines

I don't think it's going to take teams very long
They dodged a bullet and can now move on
They have cap space for players with more heart
'Cuz now, now, now Dwight's a Rocket Man

Repeat ad nauseum - like Dwight missing free throws.

    
"The original was about Hakeem."

Ahhh, that's better. When I started to write this morning I felt a little rusty - like Aaron Hernandez when he takes too much time off from murder. Wow - that joke has been in my pocket for so long it probably left a round circle in my wallet. As far as this song goes my wife, whom I first fell for when she was playing a gig at a local coffee shop, has offered to sing the lyrics so we can use the viral video to promote TSZ. You should all send her thank you notes because she spared you from listening to my attempt at covering it.

Since the action kicks off in just a few short hours, let's jump right into the Ultimate Fighting Championship line-up Kyle has put together for us. In case you forgot, he's 14-8 in his UFC predictions and even better than that if you focus on his top confidence picks. Other impressive TSZ stats include:

NBA 2013 PLAYOFF RECORD: 52-31 ATS 

NFL 2012-13 SEASON/PLAYOFFS: 144-123 ATS

VINNY'S STANLEY CUP FINALS PICKS: 8-4

KYLE'S NHL PICKS TO DATE: 51-39-1

KYLE'S MLB PICKS TO DATE: 166-136-7

KYLE'S UFC PICKS: 14-8

KYLE'S TENNIS PICKS: 2-0

VINNY'S WEIRD AL YANKOVIC SONGS: Undefeated


KYLE'S CORNER: More Than a Fighting Chance

Greetings TSZ readers. I'm sending this post from a remote cave in Southern Enigma-stan where I'm working hard or pursuing enlightenment or following my young heart or a younger woman into the depths of the unknown that is life. Confusing enough? Try these picks. Seriously, if you have any questions please post them in the comments section below so I can address them before the fights kick off this evening. 

Last time the value matrix confused many people, so here is the list of my most likely to win:



1. Frankie "The Answer" Edgar -500 

2. Mike Pierce

-600

3. Anderson "The Spider" Silva -230
4. Edson Barboza -525 
5. Gabriel "Napao" Gonzaga -230 


(For parlays take 1 + 2 then whatever you like)

For bonuses:

Fight of the Night: Most likely candidate is Cub Swanson v Dennis Siver +300



Knock Out of the Night: Silva +300 secondly Barboza +450


My bet of the night is:

Silva wins inside distance -145
and you may want to parlay it with -550 Edgar or go straight up.

To break things down a bit:
 If you choose to bet on Silva there is no point not to go inside the distance cause that's how he will win. Same goes for Barboza and Gonzaga. If you want to take an underdog with finish go Roger Gracie by Submission +330, if he wins that's the only way he knows how, and if you have any feeling towards Gracie winning take him to win Sub of the night at +500.

Don't forget - there are no stupid questions, just stupid people - so please let me know if I can clarify anything for you.

Good luck!

Kyle