Atlanta Bad. Everything Else Har-i-baughl

Well, it looks like the NFL has a new first family. So long Archie. I guess you, Eli, Peyton, Jughead, Veronica, and Betty have served your terms and are now destined to a life of secret service, secret-er sex tapes, and eventually a biography written by The Sports Guy or the little gnome from The Morning Sports Reporters.

                       

The Harbaughs have arrived and judging by their combined five conference championship appearances in seven years of coaching, it looks like John and Jim are here to stay. It doesn't matter whether you prefer arrogant, condescending, and competitive or humble, thoughtful, and appreciative, because they're both going to New Orleans next week to face each other in the Super Bowl XLVII.

San Francisco got there by virtue of solid second half defense, the complete and utter collapse of the Atlanta Falcons. Colin Kaepernick showed off his arm while Frank Gore reminded everyone that he is still a perennial running back in this league. Half way through the second quarter things looked great for Atlanta backers like yours truly, but Matt Ryan's costly turnovers thwarted Falcon drives which rather than putting the game away put the momentum in the hands of the Forty Niners. Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis, LaMichael James, and the stellar San Francisco secondary did the rest, leading the Niners to a 28-24 win, a half point cover on our prediction, and their sixth Super Bowl appearance.

Meanwhile, a little farther north and east, while Jim as throwing hissy fits and pouting like an insolent child after every yellow flag, the more charismatic and likable leader of men was calmly discussing shifts in the tides of the Patriots-Ravens game with his offensive and defensive coordinators and on rare occasions the men in stripes. The Baltimore Ravens quietly dismantled the legendary offense of Bill Belichick, found holes in their much improved defense, and became the first team in 68 games to come back from a first half deficit to beat a Tom Brady led team in Foxborough. Let me just say that again: Tom Brady was 67-0 with a first half lead at home until yesterday. The Ray Lewis fairy tale continued for the Ravens, and John Harbaugh finally broke through the championship round on his third attempt in five years and finds himself going up against little brother two weeks from now in New Orleans.

              
               "Remember how I made the NFL and you didn't?"

                   
"Remember how I had friends in high school and nobody liked you."

I'm sure we'll be sicker than we were last Thanksgiving by the time the Super Bowl comes around. Jack, Jackie, John, Jim, and all the "J" named grandchildren running around telling us about how their dad's still play Wiffle Ball and Nerf basketball on holidays and how Jim stews when he loses and John quietly gloats because he knows that it's not about "trophies" and "awards" as Jim boasted in the post-game press conference, but about living in the moment, cultivating human relationships, and helping young men define their characters through winning and losing.

Can you guess who this ex-Forty Niner fan is rooting for.

Thanks for a great season, TSZers. Hope you enjoy the Pro Bowl?????

Vinny and Marco

By Hook and By Crook

Wild Card Weekend: 3-1 ATS

Playoffs to Date: 4-4 ATS

Season to Date: 143-123 ATS

Now that we've completely digested the heaping pile of humble pie we ate this weekend, it's time to remove the bib, brush off the crumbs, change the tear-soaked Texans Letterman jacket and say, "What the F, Falcons?" Mr. Ryan- getting picked when you had no business throwing the ball. A twenty point lead evaporating in less than a quarter? Did a billy goat-toting Cubs fan visit your locker room? I don't know how anyone picks you to go to the Superbowl, Atlanta. Foreshadowing? More like foreskin. Useless. Totally useless. 

Meanwhile in New England, Houston finally decides to show up in the fourth quarter, but then lets up in the final minute, not giving us gamblers a shot at the back door cover. Admittedly, I was on my way home by then listening to the game on the radio, but what happened to the creed of "Anything can happen." Footballs are made to bounce funny and give teams a fighting chance, so stop throwing the ball up the middle, Schaub. 

Onward and upward, TSZ readers. Onward and upward. Is anyone giving Atlanta or Baltimore a fighting chance? Not Vegas odds makers. Lines opened with New England getting 9.5 points and San Francisco on the road getting 3.5. Should the Niners and Pats save a few bucks by purchasing their tickets to New Orleans early? Should the Ravens and the Falcons book their cruises to the Bahamas for the off-season? Should they all be using ppgtravel.com to ensure the best deals and quality customer service? The answers to all of these questions can be yours in two simple steps.

Step 1: Send us an e-mail at vinnyandmarco@gmail.com letting us know you'd like to hear what we have to say.

Step 2: Anxiously await enlightenment while planning what you're going to do with all the money you win. 

I know we had a rough Divisional Round, but Marco and I have only had one losing streak longer than a week all season. Granted it lasted fourteen weeks, but...

I'm kidding. The divisional weekend was our first sub-par showing since Week 13. Check the earlier posts. Do you really think we would be so popular in Canada if we didn't offer a quality product? 



Okay, fair enough. But what about



and



Plus there's



and of course who could forget...



Need I say more?

Just two simple steps, dear readers, and you will get VIP treatment at The Spread Zone for life. It will like when you followed Alanis Morissette around Ontario before "Jagged Little Pill," came out, and even better than that Ryan Reynold's fan club you VPed when he was just little known Billy Simpson. When we finally do go global, you'll be able to say, "Yeah, I totally knew those guys before way before they didn't deserve all the attention they're getting."

It will feel awesome.

So, send us an e-mail and join the community to get our AFC and NFC Championship game locks. The picks might not be right, but the presentation will be phenomenal.

TSZ Welcomes: This might take awhile, but Marco and I made a commitment to our growing fan base not to let fame change us. That being said, we'd like to take a moment to welcome all of the new readers who sent us e-mails last week asking for and receiving our very disappointing divisional round picks. Sorry everyone, but welcome nonetheless to: Brian A., Robert J., Ken McG., Harj, Nazeer, Jay Y., Archibald, Michael M., Daniel, Brian K., Darrel K., Sam S., Rommel, Dallas, Cindy, Breezie, Ellen, Sunil, HL from Toronto, James I., Epic Joe, and of course Mr. The Shark. I hope I didn't leave anyone out.

Coffee Thank You's: One of our oldest and dearest fans, John M., has managed to time his coffee donations throughout the year perfectly. Just when we think TSZ is doomed to mediocrity after a dismal 1-3 ATS weekend, coffee arrives in our living room courtesy of a human being we believe is never a prisoner of the moment. Thanks, John. Like we said before, if we ever make a TSZ t-shirt - yours is on the house.

Good luck TSZ Readers.

May the Spread Be with You,

Vinny and Marco

NFL Picks ATS For the Divisional Playoffs:

Wild Card Weekend: 3-1 ATS

Season to Date: 142-120 ATS

Prediction for this Weekend: 4-0 ATS

With the NFL 2012-13 season culminating Saturday in what is the best weekend of football all year, Marco and I have decided to forego publicizing our picks here at TSZ in favor of trying to lengthen our mailing list as we head into the off-season.

No, we are not asking for coffee donations, promissory notes, pink slips, or first born's. Nor are we relying on the highly unreliable code of honor amongst gamblers and expecting anything in return for the profoundly enlightening research we are about to send your way. As usual, our picks are completely free and thus devoid of icky, bad karmic residue.

All you have to do is ask by sending us an e-mail at: vinnyandmarco@gmail.com and let us know you'd like to become a part of the fastest growing community of like-minded gamblers this side of the Bloggosphere. Or just say, "I'd love to hear your picks."

You don't have to become a follower - although we highly recommend it. You don't have to make witty remarks in the comments section - but it's fun and we encourage it. And you don't even have to read any of the e-mails we send you in the future - but trust me, we'll know, and we'll be really sad. And so will you, because TSZ is about to take the sports world by storm. And who doesn't want to be able to say, "Dude, I was part of the calm before that storm." You'll be like R.E.M. fans before Automatic for the People. Or something else that's even cooler.

So, are you intrigued? Are you asking yourself if Marco is a drama queen who wants Green Bay and Seattle in a Replacement Game? Or is Vinny a deluded realist who believes the trends of favorites will continue? Is it really the Year of the Bird? Are you wondering if we're going to go all Jimmy the Weasel in the AFC and Road Warrior in the NFC. Are you wondering who Jimmy the Weasel is?

Even more surprising and compelling than the answers to all of those questions is the research we did to support them. Trust me, for the price of an e-mail, you will not be disappointed. Besides, if you're on our mailing list by kick-off time Saturday, then you have TSZ membership status for life. That's a prize worth almost as much as the time it will take for you to write to us.

If you've read this far and still aren't convinced, then I have two words for you.

                 

Vinny and Marco
vinnyandmarco@gmail.com



                               

Monday Morning Quarterback

Wild Card Weekend: 3-1 ATS

Season Total to Date: 142-120 ATS

Side Bet with My Mother-in-law: 0-1 SU

That last category made the Seahawks ("pointy birds") Redskins game a bitter pill to swallow. Thank lower case god I have an avenue of catharsis here at TSZ otherwise I might still be fuming about the fourth quarter knock at my back door followed by the Pointy Bird Victory Dance I had to witness while trying to conduct a venting conversation with Marco.

                     

Let me set the scene a little by reminding you that at the beginning of the season my animal communicating mother-in-law boldly predicted that this was going to be The Year of the Bird. Ravens told her to buy the house she currently lives in, so naturally she loves Baltimore, but for some reason she's a Seahawks fan above all else. So, when Sunday afternoon rolled around and we had Washington, it seemed like a great idea to place a side wager with her for lunch out this week.

Two drives into the first quarter of the game and a 14-0 lead, and a good idea had turned into a great idea. Another foolishly aggressive move by RG3 in the second quarter where he put his body at risk for an additional yard or two, and the great idea started to fade. By halftime, with the Skins clinging to their I just started to root for a field goal shootout that would keep the game at -1 or +2. We would win our bet, she would win hers, and I would be able to tolerate the victory dance I knew I would have to witness if I lost.

I should add that more than bad losers, I hate bad winners. I'd rather hear someone complain their wound hurts than watch someone else rub salt in it. That's just me. Yes, I'm very competitive. So yes, I love winning and I hate losing, but I was raised to be gracious in victory and defeat. Act like you've been there before, say good game, or at least give your son-in-law until the end of the game to process the fact that - lunch bet aside - he just lost an important one-game lead in the playoff race of his football pool.

Am I disappointed in 3-1? No way. That's a solid start to the playoffs. I'm proud of Marco, and prouder to have been able to provide such solid picks to hundreds of readers? Absolutely. With five minutes left in the fourth quarter, however, and RG3 collapsed on the ground having just given the ball back to Seattle on his own four yard line, I quickly raced next door to my mother-in-law's, popped my head in and said, "Hey, I'm just going to say congratulations now, because I'm not ready for the victory dance, okay? We'll do lunch on Tuesday."

                    

Like much of what humans say to her, my words went in one ear and out the other, because after the Seahawks converted the turnover into a field goal, I received a reciprocal knock on my door followed by the Bangles Walk Like an Egyptian Pointy Birds Dance. Really? Yes, really. I'm proud of her that both of her Pointy Birds teams (Seattle and Atlanta) have now made it to the divisional round, but I'm excited that there will be one less of them a week from today.

Now that I'm done being a bad loser, let's get to Sunday's Lost Headlines.

Mike's Old Shanahanigans Doom Redskins

With Baby Shanahan's RG3 Blow up Doll banged up with a boo boo, Daddy really should have rolled with Kirk Cousins from the outset rather than throwing him to the wolves after Griffin fumbled the game away on a bad snap and worse knee. At least that's what this Washington Redskins backer thinks. I know every retired football playing analyst on ESPN named Trent Dilfer disagrees with me, but his 2000 Super Bowl winning Ravens team relied almost exclusively on defense. He could have played in a wheelchair during those playoffs and the Ravens would've rolled. In fact, I believe his offense only put up twenty points during the entire Super Bowl run, so let's hear from a QB whose team actually needed one.

Colts Try to Reclaim Mojo Through OC's Sudden Illness

In what most consider an obvious case of pre-game tactics, the Indianapolis Colts coaching staff appears to have row sham bow-ed during their final pre-game meeting to determine who was going to have to play sick next. Offensive coordinator Bruce Arians rowed when he should have shammed and ended up being whisked away to a local Baltimore hospital until his fake blood pressure issues stabilize. Other theories floating around are that Arians fell ill to a sudden case of jealousy that he'd led the Colts the playoffs and then had his job taken back by Chuck Strong or that QB Coach Clyde Christensen resorted to poisoning in order to get his old job back for the day. Whatever the case, alleged retirement of seventeen year veteran Ray Lewis trumped all as the Ravens trumped the Colts.


That's all for now TSZ readers. Marco and I have our picks stoking in the fire right now, and they should be blazing hot and ready to go by Wednesday.

Peace out,

Vinny and Marco

Wild Card Weekend Picks ATS: Home Cookin'

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, in twenty-four short hours Wild Card Weekend kicks off the 2013 NFL playoffs and in my opinion the second best month in sports, surpassed only by the upcoming Madness that is March. 

Speaking of The Madness, as I was reflecting upon the last year and contemplating the next one earlier this week, I saw a clip of 1983's sixth seeded North Carolina State's historic upset over the number one seeded Houston Cougars led by Hall of Famer's Akeem Olajuwon, Clyde Drexler, and of course who could forget freshman guard Renaldo Thomas. The answer to that question is: everyone. But somewhere, somehow, if not today then tomorrow or on Sunday, a 48 year-old Mr. Thomas is performing the daily ritual of Googling his name, and...your welcome Renaldo.

The coach of the North Carolina State Wolfpack at the time was the legendary Jim Valvano who delivered one of the most memorable speeches in ESPYs history while he was fighting for his life against cancer. The take home message to the audience, to his family, to his former players, colleagues, and anyone else listening was this: 

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

I thought about this and decided it was a good, albeit lofty New Year's Resolutions. Although it is difficult and a little depressing to think of every day as possibly our last, it certainly ups the ante as far as appreciating life. Therefore, in a less morbid way, I am resolving to appreciate as many moments as possible this year through the joys of laughter, thought, and tears.

Hopefully, if you follow Marco's Wild Card Weekend Recipe precisely, you too will laugh and think and cry your way to the cashier/bookie/bank as you collect on your four team parlay. Now enough of this mushy sentimentalism, let's get down to some gambling. I have no idea why Valvano left that off his list. Seriously. 

Coffee Thank You's: Just a quick shout out and then I promise our picks will follow, but I would be remiss if I didn't say cheers to Matty S. and Vianet. Thanks for the pick-me-ups, guys.

And now...

Wild Card Weekend: Home Cookin'

HOUSTON TEXANS -4.5 over Cincinnati Bengals: With BJGE battling a hamstring injury and Houston's excellent run defense, Cincinnati will have to compete through the air. Andy Dalton's biggest flaw is getting rid of the ball too early leading to bad decisions and interceptions. You have to think this will be the case with JJ Watt breathing down his neck. Texans CB Jonathan Joseph is healthier and will help slow down AJ Green. Meanwhile, Arian Foster will dictate the pace of the game with his ability to pick up key first downs and set up the passing attack. Texans by at least a touchdown. Plus, with a face like this one how could Matt Schaub lose his playoff debut. He totally gets it.

                            

BALTIMORE RAVENS -6.5 over Indianapolis Colts: Sorry, Colts - coach is all better now, so I'm afraid the mojo is in remission, too. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, retirement is practically like death to football players, and we all saw how that panned out for Kansas City and Dallas. 

                                    

Don't expect the Ravens to advance in the next round, but for now, they know how to win playoff games- Ray Rice and defense. The Colts will not be able to contain Rice rushing or catching the ball out of the backfield. Quarterback Joe Flacco - playing in his tenth playoff game already - will benefit from Rice's success by making big passing plays off play action. It really was a genius move by Ray Lewis to announce his retirement now to motivate his teammates for a Super Bowl run. You know Lewis, Ed Reed, and Terrell Suggs will leave it all on the field. I see Luck being over-matched by the aggressive, opportunistic Baltimore defense who are excited they have the band back together. Ravens in a blowout.

GREEN BAY PACKERS -8.5 over Minnesota Vikings: The bold and beautiful Clay Matthews, muscles bulging, long, sweaty hair flowing behind his helmet made the fierce and intimidating proclamation that Adrian Peterson would not rush for 200 yards on the Packers...this time. Bold move, Clay.

                                         

          Not 200, again, Adrian. Not in our house, bitch.

Nonetheless, the Packers who started slow last week against the Vikings, will not make that mistake again. A frenzied home crowd of cheese heads, led of course by their Fireman Ed - Beer and Brats for Breakfast - will inspire the Packers to jump out to an early lead and avoid re-living their 2012 division game against the Giants. Randall Cobb in the slot will put up big numbers against the out-matched Minnesota secondary. Green Bay will also see the return of Charles Woodson who is back after breaking his collarbone back in week seven. Woodson adds a dynamic weapon to the league's eleventh ranked defense. He can shutdown a receiver, contain the run, and blitz Ponder- he is their leader and play maker on defense. The Vikings don't play as well outside the dome especially in cold weather on grass. Green Bay has all the advantages and will quickly make this game a landslide. 

WASHINGTON REDSKINS +2.5 over Seattle Seahawks: In an exciting, dramatic showdown of two of the best rookie quarterbacks in recent history, both teams, their fans, and analysts are always looking for an edge. Here at The Spread Zone, we found the weakest link - and it's Russell Wilson's middle name. That's right, if this were Days of Our Lives, Dynasty, or All My Children - yes I can rattle those off without Google - then RCW1 Russell Carringtion Wilson would be a shoe-in winner. But this is the NFL. This drama is real and unforgiving. This drama calls for a simple plan of attack and a simpler "Lee" sandwiched between the R, G, and the 3. 

                                      

                                        

          Plot twist: She's his sister and his wide receiver. 

Like Minnesota, Seattle doesn't play well outside of the dome. The Seahawks were 3-5 on the road this season with Russell Wilson throwing 9 TDs and 8 INTs in those eight games. The Redskins come into this game as the hottest team in the NFC and have one of the best home crowds in football. RGIII won't let his fans or his teammates down as he finds a way to beat the favored Seahawks. Griffin will test the secondary away from CB Sherman, so look for WR Joshua Morgan to make some impact plays. We love taking home dogs in the playoffs.

So there you have it TSZ readers. Our inaugural Wild Card Weekend Picks. Sorry they were so late, but nevertheless may you all laugh, think, and cry this weekend - hopefully not at the same time because let's face it that looks like a crazy person. 

Peace out, home fries.

Vinny and Marco

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

In a shocking turn of events yesterday morning, after what many bloggers consider an MVP-type season, Vinny and Marco joined the dozen or so other victims of Black Monday when they were fired as co-General Managers of The Spread Zone. During their brief tenure at TSZ, the rookie GMs took an underachieving, abstract, drunken concept that had never accomplished anything and transformed it into a tough, gritty, tangible, playoff-caliber idea that has touched the lives of many, including thirty-one faithful followers.

"I'm stunned," commented an anonymous source. "It doesn't make any sense. Those guys are the Bill Belichick's of NFL blogging - only funnier, better looking, and they know how to rock the hoodie. The Internet is going to regret this big time."

Even players in the NFL community were surprised by the move. When asked to comment, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler said, "Sometimes change is a good thing. And sometimes change is what you need to buy gumballs. And sometimes change is what you do when you spill something on your clothes. And sometimes changes is a word David Bowie sings about. And sometimes change..." is what people do to the channel when you're on TV Jay Cutler. What an idiot.

Fortunately, unlike twenty-five percent of the NFL organizations who fired their coaches, coordinators, GMs, and towel boys yesterday, Vinny and Marco were hired back almost immediately when a petition - signed by both of them - landed on the desk of TSZ headquarters demanding their reinstatement under threat of a 2013 lockout.

And nobody wants to start blogging next season all rusty and injury prone...

TSZ Welcomes: Good morning, everyone. We have a brand new follower at The Spread Zone in Genese B., and over a dozen Friday Five inquirers including Stan J., Andrew G., Andrew B. Lowen A., Jeff W., Michael M., Kyle N., Vianet, Navin, Pongchut, Hon, Miles, and a trio of Matt's - Matty B., Matt X., and Matt S. Plus we received  nice e-mails from a long-time readers Nancy M. and Harley. We love the unsolicited kind words and encouragement. It's nice to hear that TSZ feels like a refuge for the hard weeks and a party for the good ones. We also have Matt D. and Angel L. tweeting away with Marco on the weekends.

Coffee Thank You's: Although we feel as though we earned at least a tall, skinny, wet cappuccino for our Friday Five, maybe even a grande soy hazelnut breve, the line on the San Diego game did move by kick-off on Sunday, so perhaps those who inquired did not give us credit for the 4-1 ATS. Nonetheless, we're glad you all came by The Spread Zone and we're happy to have you on our mailing list. Hopefully, we can help each other make a little extra money in the new year.

The playoffs are just around the corner my friends. Stay tuned for our picks against the spread for the Saturday and Sunday games. If you have any questions, feel free to send us an e-mail at:

vinnyandmarco@gmail.com

Happy New Year, everyone.

Vinny and Marco